Almost anyone who has experienced any degree of paralysis can tell you that friends often share questions about your disability once they feel close enough to ask. And when the braver friends have exhausted their polite questions—Do you feel any pain?—they sometimes get down to the questions they’ve wanted to ask, but propriety prevented them: Can you still have sex? Do you enjoy it?
It’s a natural curiosity, as paralysis at any level is life-altering and can impact both muscle use and sensation. But just as we said while discussing back injuries and amputation, paralysis is not the same thing as being sentenced to a sexless life. There’s an entire world of tips, toys, and positions to enhance intimacy and keep your sex life active and healthy as a paraplegic.
As we’ve said before, sex is an intense physical and mental experience that can trigger engrained emotions about your body. Trying to adapt to sex as a paraplegic—or just to improve your sex life as a paraplegic—requires open honesty, with yourself and your partner. The more you share your wants, desires, and (particularly!) anxieties with your partner, the more you will be able to address them together.
Foreplay is an important part of sex, and for many partners, is a direct channel to sharing feelings of intimacy. Your need for foreplay doesn’t change just because of paralysis. Small alterations to your foreplay can make the experience more accessible and allow both partners to focus on mutual arousal and intimacy.
Men with paraplegia can experience a huge range of effects on their erections. Some men still get and maintain them with relative ease, while others might use a variety of toys or devices to help sustain an erection. For paraplegics who can become erect but have trouble maintaining that erection, a cock ring or a harness with a cock ring can be a simple and inexpensive boost for feeling more confident in your erections. Prescriptions and penis pumps work well for others, and there are also more permanent surgical options that some consider.
But an erection is not the only way to define sex, and certainly not the only way to have intercourse. Dildos and vibrators will let you please and penetrate your partner using your hands or mouth. A strap-on will allow you to penetrate your partner and focus on your mutual arousal rather than be distracted by concerns about maintaining an erection. With a hollow strap-on, a man can fit his penis, soft or erect, inside the strap-on where it can be used for as long as you both have energy. Strap-ons also work equally well if you have strong arms and shoulders and want to be the partner on top during sex, or if you’d rather lay down and have your partner be on top.
As a paraplegic, some sex positions will simply work better and be more fulfilling than others, so it’s important to experiment and discover what works best for you, your partner, and your level of paralysis. For extra fun—and help!—consider a toy or positioning aid.
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You never forget your first time, but most people don’t remember their second. And this isn’t just about sex (although, really, it’s mostly about sex). You probably don’t remember your second day at a job, second car, second date...
Unless something spectacular happens at one of them (like if the second date is the first time), your second everything is usually the first step toward forgetfulness. It’s where things start to blend in. That’s just human nature.
We’re happy to report, though, that sex toys are the exception to the rule.
Even without kids, it can be hard for married couples sometimes to break the routine and try something new in bed. Not everyone is going to check into a sex dungeon for the weekend, or turn their apartment into a Den of Erotic Mysteries. But the alternative to that isn’t another night of bickering about what to watch on Netflix.
Married couples want to break the routine and begin to experiment, without having to rearrange their lives. Routine breaking can be easily done, sparking passion, making every day a little better, and maybe leading to more adventures together in the bedroom.
You don’t need a dungeon. You just need these six best toys to spice up sex for married couples.