I was recently hanging out with the girls, having a few drinks (and a few more) and talking, as girls do, about bedroom activities. We’re a diverse group, in terms of stages of our lives, with old-married-with-kids people (me), married-without-kids, and singles/dating girls. It was pretty easy to see the divide… especially when we started talking about door jam sex slings.
Some of the other moms and I laughed at the childless, who assumed that sex on the door was pretty common across the board. As one mother said, “It would take so long clearing away the boots and toys from in front of the door that the kids would already be back from grandma’s!”
And that’s sort of the point: while sex toys are for everyone, and there is no one type of person who “should” use them (or shouldn’t, of course), not everyone has the means or the time to use everything. That is far more common in marriage, with children, where the day-to-day can easily get in the way of passion.
Even without kids, it can be hard to break the routine and try something new. Not everyone is going to check into a sex dungeon for the weekend, or turn their apartment into a Den of Erotic Mysteries. But the alternative to that isn’t another night of bickering about what to watch on Netflix.
Married couples want to break the routine and begin to experiment, without having to rearrange their lives. Routine breaking can be easily done, sparking passion, making every day a little better, and maybe leading to more adventures together in the bedroom.
You don’t need a dungeon. You just need these six best toys to spice up sex for married couples.
What’s one thing you do (generally) every day? Shower. Okay, this may not apply to new parents, who can go days without thinking about a shower, but once the kids start to grow, cleanliness reasserts itself back into your routine.
And it turns out, the shower is the best place to start resparking your sexual passion, too.
After all, it’s hot and wet. You’re already going to be showering and getting ready, so you have an excuse and the time. You’re naked and near. You can make sex a literal part of your daily routine. All you have to do is slip in, thrill to each other’s bodies, and start exploring.
Obviously, there are a few physical considerations with sex in the shower. For instance, it is slippery. Getting steady, and getting in the right position, is one of the bigger obstacles people talk about when expressing their reluctance toward shower sex.
But you can remove that obstacle with suction hand grips and foot rests. These attach firmly to the walls of the shower, allowing you to position yourself in front of or behind a partner, for different angles of penetration without worrying about a foot suddenly slipping or one of you crashing into the wall. That can be a mood killer. They’re also unobtrusive, so you can avoid awkward questions (“Oh that? That’s where mommy props up her foot when shaving her legs…” Pro tip: the foot rest is actually great for that!).
You know how you like to sing in the shower, even if (especially if) you aren’t a singer? It’s because you feel cloistered, hidden, and somehow not yourself. I think that same dynamic is why I’ve found that people are sometimes more willing to experiment in the shower. They can try something, rinse off, and then go out into the real world.
That’s one of the reasons I love the silicone anal beads. Even people who are nervous about anal find the shower to be freeing. You are warm, clean, and of course, you have enough sex in the shower gel lube with you. This is a great way for couples to start experimenting with different kinds of play, that can be transferred to other parts of their lives. What happens in the shower doesn’t, after all, have to stay there.
Don’t forget that you still have to get clean. A real functional mesh sponge with a secret treat inside it: a tiny but powerful vibrator, which ensures the whole cleanliness ritual will be filled with surprising erogenous energy.
Much like you take a shower every day, you go to bed every day (again: doesn’t apply to new parents). Let’s remember that the bed has uses other than sleeping or flipping through your phone. And while you are remembering that the bed can be fun, kick it up a little bit by introducing bondage play.
As I said, you don’t need a dungeon or anything elaborate to start to play around with bondage. You just need a bed, understanding, and each other. These are some easy toys that can be stored safely (and discreetly) and then easily incorporated when you the time is right.
How long does it take you to change your sheets? Two minutes? That’s how long it takes to transform your bed from ordinary to your own BDSM playground. Our flagship product has Velcro-anchored bondage cuffs that are easily attached, detached, and repositioned, and let you be as tightly or as loosely (or as acrobatically) tied as you’d like. This allows you to easily experiment with different angles, creating new adventures every night. Our Queen set fits a Full or a Queen, and the King also fits a California King, so any bed can easily become your playground.
Just by putting on the sheets you have instant access to a new world of sexual experimenting and closeness. It’s a way to start your foray into bondage, which can introduce beautiful vulnerability into the bedroom. It’s a way to become closer, to tie yourselves together. To, indeed, be bonded.
(For a similar toy that you set up once and can discreetly hide under the bed skirt, try the under-the-bed restraint system. Though the Sportsheet itself is plenty discreet, and all you’d need to hide would be the cuffs [or don’t, we’re not your boss!].)
“While I’ve got you tied up…” Regardless of whether or not one partner is bound, a blackout mask, which blocks out light and makes it impossible to see what is going on, brings an element of excitement into the bedroom. The partner who can see can introduce a variety of surprises, with their mouth, their hands, with toys (see below), their genitals, ice cubes... anything.
As part of a mutually-agreed upon and consensual activity, the blackout mask heightens anticipation, excitement, trust, and ultimately sensation. Easy to hide in a drawer, and easy to pull out to hide everything else.
There are a lot of couples who want to experiment with sensation play, including paddles and floggers, but aren’t sure where or how to start, and don’t know if they want all the equipment around (especially in a house already filled with toys and sports stuff).
That’s why I love the chained tickler. It is small, with an incredible variety of sensations. You can run it gently over your partner, giving them a sort of enveloping tickle, a curious and probing wrap, or you can give them a little swat with it. It doesn’t hurt, but it lets them know you are there. It’s a great introduction to sensation play—particularly as the metal can be warmed or chilled.
The comfortable routine of living with and loving your spouse is just that—comfortable, and routine. But sometimes it seems like we spend so much time paying bills, worrying about work, getting into minor arguments about who is driving which kid to what practice. We let the days slip by in a blur of routine and the nights just slip away from us. We turn away from each other too often, content to warm ourselves in a little glowing screen.
It’s fine to do that. It’s natural to want to rest. But when that becomes the routine, the norm, you start to lose closeness. You lose the intimacy that underpins and makes possible the day-to-day. You need to spice things up.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Better and more frequent sex doesn’t even have to take more time in your day. It just has to be something you both want. And with these toys, it can be. It can turn every day into what it should be: a blank canvas, and unwritten page, a wild path you’re stepping down with your best friend. It’s time to explore.
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How does that old phrase go?: Cleanliness is next to godliness, and whatever else you do, be certain to clean your sex toys. I think that’s it.
Properly cleaning sex toys isn’t hard work, but it is serious business. The consequences of not cleaning your sex toy are more significant than you might think. Sex toys come in a huge range of shapes and materials, and that will affect how you want to go about cleaning them. But there are some general tips to keep in mind, as well as specific instructions for individual materials.
A well-stocked bedroom is like a well-stocked bar. You need to have more than a pack of condoms, just as you need more than a case of Natty Light.
It’s not enough to have walls and a mattress. There are times you’re in the mood for simple, and times you’re in the mood for complex. There are times you want pure pleasure and times you want a hint of pain. Are you stocked for it?