It’s Friday morning, but not just any Friday morning. Tonight is date night. You’ve had this day planned for a while; you’ve already gotten your sex toy “date in a box” kit. There are no phones, the kids are with mom, maybe you’re going to dinner, maybe not. The whole goal of this date night is to have time alone together.
And, needless to say, to spend that time twined in and around each other’s bodies as much as possible.
But it’s still morning. It’s 8:00 AM. You’re rushing to get to work. You have, like, at least 10 hours before you can taste each other again. As exciting as it is, you know that the ups and downs of just another day at the office or at home will stretch on forever, unsexily. Right? Just emails and circular arguments about lunch (“Thai is good, but we had it two weeks ago”) and Gary from accounting yammering on in an endless afternoon meeting.
But Gary isn’t going to ruin anything. No one is. In fact, you’ll barely notice any of them. You’re going to stay turned on all day, building anticipation for your sexy night together. With these eight tips, you’re going to be thinking about your partner.
They’ll be keeping you stoked, and you’ll be stoking yourself, so that when you see each other as the day ends and the night begins, you’ll pounce on each other like lovesick teens.
Before a sexy night in, build anticipation all day. Use those hours at work for naughty intimacy, surrounded by people who have no idea what is roiling inside you. There’s nothing more delightful than being in a cloud of your own sexual energy while the world passes by. Get ready for tonight.
Want to transform the endless fluorescence into the sun warming your skin on a private beach? Use these tips.
Imagine having on a pair of nipple clips under your sweater, giving a gentle and erotic pinch as you go about your day. Not only is the sensation exciting, but knowing that you have this staple of BDSM on while no one can see it will make your day more dangerous, more sensual, more exciting. Wear them for 15-minute sessions sprinkled throughout the day, and enjoy the sensation that lingers when you remove them. It’s a secret that only you and your partner share, this mystery playing with your breasts in front of everyone, but just out of sight. Or in sight: some nipple clips, like the Midnight Bling Nipple Clips or the Midnight Pearl, can actually masquerade as a necklace. It appears innocuous, this sex toy out in the open but undetectable, ready to be put to a different use as soon as you get home.
Something for the guys. While cock rings are often used to maintain an erection, they can also be for adornment, and having one on throughout the day is a reminder that something else will be encircling you soon enough. Make sure you use a metal cock ring, though, since a rubber one will constrict too much throughout the day. Also, wear snug underwear so it doesn’t fall off. Boxers/freeballing won’t work—you don’t want it to fall down your pants leg and on the floor.
Every time your phone dings on date day, you should feel a thrill run up and down your groin. Texts should be exchanged about what you are thinking about, the fantasies you are having, what you plan to do when you get home, the scenarios running through your head... I know I love sending my husband texts telling him exactly what I am going to do with my mouth later, knowing that he is getting aroused and that when he gets home it’ll be a frenzy. These texts are also good ways to tell how the nipple clip and cock ring days are going. Knowing the other person has their own erotic secret, and are going about their day in the same turned-on state you are, is deeply, truly, incandescently hot.
A few date nights ago, when my husband was getting ready for work, I slipped a pair of fur handcuffs into his backpack, underneath his lunch. I wasn’t stupid; they weren’t on top, and I know that he wasn’t going to accidentally pull them out during a Big Presentation With The President. But I knew that he’d get a glimpse of them in the morning, an unexpected reminder of what waited for him when he got home. I knew that every time he looked at his bag he’d get excited, knowing that our naughty little secret was in there. Having a surprise that reminds your partner of what is coming (spoiler: them, and plenty of times) is the best kind of surprise there is.
We absolutely love our S&M playing cards. This is a standard deck of cards with sexy pictures featuring some of our favorite bondage toys.They make strip poker even more fun. In fact, we’ve even used them to make date night anticipation even better. In the morning, before we rush out the door, we each pick a card. We don’t show it to the other person, but the game is that whatever toy (or type of toy) is portrayed is one that will be used on the picker that night. You can play a variant where you use the toy on the other person, but I love spending all day knowing that I’m going to have a spreader bar binding me that night. And I put the card where I can glance at it during the day. That just makes me swoon with anticipation.
This is obviously related to the dirty text. These aren’t nudes, though: they are suggesting. Teasing. Offering glimpses of the menu before the feast begins. I’ll take a picture of my bra strap, or he’ll send one where his shirt is pulled up just a little with a hand sneaking into his pants. (Be careful taking them at work, of course! I sometimes even take them in advance, and send them on later.) There’s something so tantalizing about getting just a hint of what is to come that in many ways it is better than a full nude. Though you certainly don’t have to avoid those…
This isn’t for everyone, but one thing my husband and I will do on our special nights is send each other texts about attractive people we see. I’ll pretend a handsome man is checking me out, or send him a message about a redhead who is just his type, and probably dying for him. We never take pictures, of course, or actually impose on someone’s privacy. It’s for our privacy. There is certainly an element of jealousy in play here, which is fun (for us), but it is mostly about reminding each other that we are sexual beings, and damn lucky to be having sex with each other, and that sex is always on our minds. These are the sort of role-playing games that can (though don’t have to) be a part of BDSM relationships. Role-playing of this sort isn’t for everyone, but there are people beginning their BDSM voyages who might be intrigued.
OK, so, this is a chance to get naughty. Do you ever have any privacy during the day? A bathroom you can use? I’m not saying you should, you know, go all the way, but a little quick buzz from your bullet vibrator can definitely keep you hopping. I know some people, men and women, who will just keep it in their pocket, even, and reach in to turn it on for a split second (sometimes then pulling out their phone like they just got a call!). You might even put it to use on your commute—your car’s engine won’t be the only thing getting revved up on the drive home.
But remember, with all of these, that this is just for you. Bringing your sexuality into other people’s lives, unbidden, is harassment. Don’t do anything to lose your job, of course, but most importantly, be thoughtful and considerate of other people.
Because, remember, this is for you and your partner. This is your secret on your night. This is your private communication during the day, melding together your hearts and minds (and groins) from across town, as they pull and pulse toward each other with each movement of that clock.
The hands on the clock might seem slow, but they’ll move, and soon your hands will be moving over each other (or may be bound up). And being turned on, stewing in your own lust, might in some ways make the day longer, as frenzied as you are for time to move forward. But it will be a more fun day, a more exciting and secret and intimate day, and will lead to an incredible night.
All in a day’s work, right?
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How does that old phrase go?: Cleanliness is next to godliness, and whatever else you do, be certain to clean your sex toys. I think that’s it.
Properly cleaning sex toys isn’t hard work, but it is serious business. The consequences of not cleaning your sex toy are more significant than you might think. Sex toys come in a huge range of shapes and materials, and that will affect how you want to go about cleaning them. But there are some general tips to keep in mind, as well as specific instructions for individual materials.
A well-stocked bedroom is like a well-stocked bar. You need to have more than a pack of condoms, just as you need more than a case of Natty Light.
It’s not enough to have walls and a mattress. There are times you’re in the mood for simple, and times you’re in the mood for complex. There are times you want pure pleasure and times you want a hint of pain. Are you stocked for it?